“Fuck the world”
“I got me”
“Trust no one”
All those quotes, right?
And I suppose you know exactly what the fuck you are doing too, right? And you don’t need no one to tell you what to do, right? You’re on your Tupac ride or die solo shit.
Well my friend…. I can go totally off the deep end with some conspiracy theory type shit on how they are pumping us up with social media and other means of this mentality in a elaborate plan to single us out because they know damn well, UNITED WE STAND AND DIVIDED WE FALL.
But I want to hit you with a more practical and personal story of how we truly don’t know shit.
Let’s go back just a short year and a half or so. I’m making damn good money, I pulled the prettiest damn girl in the room, doing what the fuck I want, pumped up on my shit. Doing ME. COCK AND BALLS, BITCH.
Then, I go in for just a routine check up… Doctor tells me, “your liver is failing, let’s get you a biopsy and we need to run some tests” yada yada yada.
A few months later, Feds want to seize my house over money from my past conviction
The good money I was making was being blown on doctors visit and test. The prettiest damn girl in the room is driving me up a fucking wall. I hit a hard fucking depression swing. I packed on 30 pounds. And I’m back at where I was when I wrote my testimony….
BECAUSE I KNEW WHAT THE FUCK I WAS DOING. I DONT NEED NO FUCKING BODY. I GOT MY SHIT. I. I. I. I.
So I sit there with myself and ask myself, “Where the fuck are your answers now, puta?”
“We’re dying and they are going to take our house” I softly mumbled to myself.
So I pick up the bible and turn to God and prayer like a mother fucker, expecting God to come through and inspire me and save me again like the last time….
Let go, let God, but go now.
The almighty didn’t answer. The almighty expected work. The almighty expected change. The almighty expected the destruction and humility of my pride.
The lord works in mysterious ways. Absolutely hilariously mysterious fucking ways.
So as I’m stressed as fuck about everything that is going on, I get hit with an increase in child support and I fucking lose my mind. I’m throwing up blood, fainting like a bitch, my blood pressure is astrofuckingnomical and I tried to overdose on hydrocodone. So I get thrown in the hospital for about a week.
As I’m there in the hospital on my death bed, I pick up a pamphlet about meditation. I shrug it off. I look through The Current and see some divorce seminar bullshit and tell myself when I get out of the hospital I’m going to go there.
So I get out of the hospital. Go to the seminar. ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. I hear what I already knew… Texas hates us fathers and fuck you, pay more rather than get your kids more.
God is a fucking comedian.
An astonishingly brilliant and artistic comedian.
Fuck that seminar.
Fuck that seminar right in the ass.
But I did get to talking with a woman who was there who turned out to be a financial consultant. I’m a open book so I tell her of my stresses and horrible spending habits. She tells me to come by her office and she can show me some good money saving habits and financial planning opportunities.
I went by and things went fucking awesome. She showed me so many things. Compound interest, the rule of 7, Roth IRA’s and we even touched on more personal and spiritual matters. She suggested meditation and looking up Podcasts on self help and motivation.
So I stumbled upon The Order Of Man podcast and I was fucking hooked. It talked about uniting as men, holding yourself accountable, becoming great, finding a tribe, MEDITATION. Then I heard the podcast with Sean Whalen…. When he talked about hiring a mentor and his mentor made him sit down and put his anger aside to write a letter of appreciation to his ex-wife. That shit shook me down to the core of my very existence. That shit screamed Proverbs 3:5-6 to me. Look that up if you’re not familiar with it. After I heard that, I sat down and cried and realized how amazing God is with his artistry.
So it was at that very moment I went balls deep with the meditation. I’ve spoke on the wonders it has been doing in my life. My financial consultant has me budgeting so fucking hard that I’m saving up, planing and caught up on bills and my restitution . I sought out a curandero to get a general cleansing and now my Healer is absolutely vital in any major decisions I make. I invested money into a fitness planner/nutritionist and he made a plan specific to my medical condition and body type, aaaannnndddd I’m glad to say that my last doctor appointment and blood test all came back fine and that’s that I’m not on all the crazy medications I was on or any treatments at a clinic.
So in the last four months that I’ve really decided to seek the help of others and invest in myself rather than just run off myself, I’ve lost 27 pounds, my blood pressure is normal, my liver levels are fine, my hair is a bit thicker, just a bit, I’ve tapped back into my writing creativity, I’m learning how to deal much better with my stress, anxiety and emotions, I’m learning how to demand the best out of myself and be content with others and I just have a fresh fucking outlook on life right now.
And this is all because I came to the realization that I have no fucking idea what the hell I am doing and its alright. Let go, let God but go now. Let go of your egotistical understanding, let God or the higher power of your choice plant humility deep down inside of you and go now; go fucking educate yourself and surround yourself with people who know what they are doing and learn a thing or two from them. Then give back what you learn and then some. It’s a cold dark world out here sometimes and that fire in your soul can only illuminate so much and only keep you so warm. But imagine, your fire and the fire of someone else? That creates a brighter light and more warmth. And attention to others. Then you add their fire. Now you have a bondfire. And that’s nice warm. But have you ever seen a fucking wildfire??? That’s the type of shit that we need to engulf this cold dark and lonely world in. United we stand and divided we fall. Thank you for reading and God bless.
“Fuck the world”